Like all the best speeches, this was written in a cab on the way to the church and read straight off a mobile phone ...

I'll keep this short as I'm hungry - after all you know today is really just Laura and I going out to eat our body weight in food masquerading as a wedding.

Really my job is simply to thank everyone for coming - so thank you.

It has taken 13 and a half years to get to this point; which might seem like a long time to you guys, but we've been so happy it hasn't felt like that. Or we've had so much to drink in that time that we've forgotten.

I'll start with Granddad and Joan, who I know have been looking forward to today for a long time. I hope you've enjoyed it so far and will be having fun for the rest of the day.

Thanks to matron of honour and Laura's best friend Jackie - it was painful for Laura growing up with two brothers who kept putting brocolli & salt in her milk, so having you around must have taken the edge off. Slightly. Also to Rob and little Isabelle, thank you for spending the day with us.

Another big thank you to Bell and Alex - for coming back from Singapore in order to attend today ... and more importantly my stag do. We really appreciate it. Al has been my best friend for 20 years, and it means so much that they are both here today with baby Charlotte.

Thanks to Martin for the reading, generally being an inspirational big brother ... and more importantly coming to the stag do. Thanks to Gaye, Lia and Marcus, especially as I know he had to change his plans to be here.

Thanks to Lucy, who has always been the best and kindest big / little sister to me, and also to the other Essons for coming today - so good to see you here.

Huge thanks to Uncle John & Huda, who've travelled all the way from California to be here - means so much to both of us.

Thanks to both of Laura's brothers and the others at the end for welcoming me into the family - thanks specifically to Mark for all the steaks past and future, and to Matt for my immunity from prosecution. That will come in handy.

Thanks to Chris and Alex for raising such an - I've written astonishing drinker - but I think I mean beautiful daughter, and for letting me marry her. Thanks also for the beautiful wedding rings.

Almost there now - thanks to my best man Richard for all of his duties, the speech he's about to give, for generally keeping me sane throughout the 32 years I've known him and being a brother to me ... and to Charlotte for actually agreeing to marry him.

Thanks to my Mum & Dad for being the best and most loving parents, always supporting me - though I do blame my general insanity / state of mind on them.

And finally to Laura, the love of my life - thank you for agreeing to marry me and my big Armenian nose / backside. I love you.